They are starkly parked in narrow plastic bags- tied to a wayward stick, almost 20 flavors, in different earth colors. He neatly places them on his right shoulder, a hustle bag in his left hand, to replenish the consignment, once depleted.
Today I am lucky to meet Enock, the boy who harnesses the bedroom. His job- to sell sex enhancing traditional herbs which he buys from different traditional herbalists spread across Malawi.
As I drive out to drop a painting to my client, he is coincidentally coming out of a club which stands opposite our house. A gentlemen’s club or ‘Kalabu ya ma big’ meaning ‘Club for big men’. A club for middle income earners, which charges exorbitant prices for beers and snacks. It is said that for a strip of meat, one can use the amount to buy a whole goat back in the village. It is a way of controlling idle traffic-loafers and petty thieves. The club is frequented by thinkers, managers, lawyers, doctors, in their prime. And yes..they need space…and above all, sex enhancing traditional herbs.
I park my car and call him over to the car, in very broad light. Traditionally, this is quite unusual because issues of sex are highly private and this kind of concoction is best served in secluded spaces, dark corners or pitch darkness. No one wants anyone to know that they are having sex challenges in their bedroom.
Coincidently my neighbor is standing by her gate. She stops whatever she is doing and looks in my direction. From the corner of my eye I see disbelief and amusement at the same time. She claps her hands..in indignation. The boy approaches the side of my vehicle and I begin to go through the narrow bags, which are one eighth full and the rest is filled with air… I guess from his own breath.
They feel fluffy in my hands. We begin from the soft ones, one of which is called ‘ Nozzle cleaner’; a name borrowed from a motor vehicle part. The concoction cleans ‘pipes’ in the penis, to allow for smooth flow of blood and prevents any form of blockages . He succinctly outlines the prescription. Then we go to the hard ones finishing off with ‘Vagina breaker’ a very potent concoction of two drugs that must be taken 30 minutes before sex. Failure to do so might result to soiling oneself in full public view.
Upon his presentation he asks me which one I am specifically going for.
‘None of them’
I answer back.
I tell him I am specifically interested in a herb with propensity to increase the size of one’s penis.
He frowns for a moment and recovers
‘Oh yes! That one I can supply….but give me a week’
He takes my number. In return I ask for his permission to take this great photo
‘Will come back after a week’
As the boy who harnesses the bedroom begins to leave I can see my neighbor has come back with three more women, talking excitedly amongst themselves whilst observing my shopping spree.
As he turns towards the direction of Bwandilo, which is the haven for night clubs, I can only hope that one week won’t turn into forever
I need to provide answers to alot of men writing and calling me, looking for an ‘extension’ to please the very same women that are now busy laughing at me.
elson kambalu 
